Last night, after a rough day already, I learned that a few nights ago, M had 'borrowed' the truck to drive in the neighborhood to a friend's house. It's Grayson's truck but we haven't disposed of it, so it's basically taking up space. But M only has a learner's permit, and the insurance on the truck has lapsed. Not only that, but when the father of the friend offered to take him home since it was cold, M didn't say "Oh, I drove"; no he says, "Thanks, I'll just walk."
So. He stole the truck (since that's what borrowing without permission is). He violated the terms of his license. He lied to the friend's father. He lied to us (never mentioned it). And the cherry on the top is that when confronted, he gets all defensive like "what's the big deal! You all are making a mountain out of a molehill."
I feel like I'm talking to the very same child who 6 months ago smoked pot and then lied when caught. The same kid who 4 months ago covered for his friends by not telling us that he had smoked with them. The same kid who wandered the neighborhood and set off the alarm at the nearby hotel (and never mentioned it to us). Now this?? Is he not learning ANYTHING by all he's suffered? Is he going to come out of this experience HARDER rather than more genuine? Is there ever a point when he will begin to see for himself when he's done something wrong, or when he's hurt someone BEFORE he gets caught, or BEFORE he is confronted? When does conscience come to bear? He's got such an opportunity to get real, get honest, and become the man he has the capability to become. But will he take it?
4 comments:
Oh rats! So unfair. I so relate to the feeling. I had a similar deja vu all over again with Noah over the weekend. It is tough being a mother. Who knew?
Hugs.
Julie
Yeah, it is tough. It is also incredibly rewarding. But this weekend? Just tough. And it's not the issue so much (although driving, even down the street, without consent is big enough) ... it is the destroyed trust that comes from how the issue was handled. If he had told us what he had done when he did it, and hadn't lied to the friend's father, this wouldn't have been half as troublingl. Ugh.
Beth, I am sorry! I remember finding out that one of our college girls had some alochol, in her dorm room! We discussed how this was 1)illegal, as she wasn't 21 and 2)against the dorm rules and 3)though we understood college kids do drink and it was legal when we were 18, we would prefer she didn't till 21. The most frustrating thing about all this, was her lack of feeling she had done anything truly wrong(or at least she wouldn't admit it to us). She just said the laws were screwy and used the "You can fight in the war at 18 but not have a drink" argument. Yes, it is troubling when they don't respond the way we expect.
((((BETH))))
Susan
This isn't helpful, but can I say misery loves company? We've just found out, again, that Luke has lied to us about doing schoolwork he hadn't actually done. Worse, he's lied to his teacher, saying (how lame is this?) that he wrote the paper, but "lost it" because of a computer glitch! Believe me, if he'd lost a paper he'd worked on he'd have been raging around the house. I'd have known about it. I only found out when his sweet teacher was telling me how sorry she was Luke lost all that work! My reaction was her first indication something was amiss! To make it worse, he then lied again, saying he never said that to his teacher!!! What an idiot! He said it in front of several other students and I have witnesses.
And it goes on. I don't know what to do about it. We're not trying to force him to go to college or anything specific. But he needs to get his act together somehow. He isn't going to lay around here playing video games when he graduates in the spring.....if he graduates! He is failing three of five classes right now. After going through this situation with Erik, we realize if a child lives at home after high school graduation, they either go to school and work, or they work at least 30 hours a week.
Blah, blah , blah. I didn't mean to hijack this. I feel for you and your hurt mommy's heart right now. I've spent the last week hurting about Luke and his choices. I'm really worried about his future.
Lots of love.
Carrie
PS- I'm getting my rosary out again and doing what you suggested before..praying through it with Luke spedifically in mind. I did that for a while then stopped. If nothing else, it helps me feel like I;'m doing something positive and it helps me have more positive feelings towards him.
Post a Comment