observations on being black, single and poor

LaQuinta has moved in with us, with her two daughters. Long story, but she's here for a few weeks and we're now home to little children again (hers are 8 and 3). So here's my observations so far:

- French toast is something served at Burger King, eaten with fingers and dipped into syrup. As actual French bread, sliced and dipped in batter and sauteed in butter until the edges are crispy...it is unrecognized.
- All men are daddies. The concept of husband is unknown to the girls.
- Breakfast is a meal eaten at school. The conception of sitting together in the morning around a table (and getting up in time to do it) is new.
-DSS is demeaning to the people it purports to 'serve'. The runaround and bureaucracy is mind-numbing.
-People suspect black people. Immediately. And this is from decent people who wouldn't want to hurt someone's feelings. But insulting comments and looks are de rigeur. I've seen it with my own eyes and heard it with my own ears. And I'm sure I've done the same thing....I'm sure now, having seen these situations as part of daily life, I could look back on my own comments and see how they might fit into the box of "insulting things white rich people would say."
- Black people and white people have funerals differently. We laughed hysterically the other night at dinner over the differences.
- If I had been similarly victimized, I'd be angry too.
-LaQ filters everything from an economic viewpoint. For instance, she spanked her daughter for wetting the bed. When I shared with her that I had a bedwetter and maybe we could just instead try waking her up (alternatives to spanking!) she replied, "but in my little apartment, I can't be having a bedwetter. There isn't room when you share a bed for someone to be wetting it. so I have to spank her to make sure she doesn't do that." Faulty conclusion, but I can see the desperation for a solution. When my child wet the bed, all it affected was himself, as no one shares a bed...
-Heathy eating really isn't an option when you're poor, unless you're a farmer or something. Bad food = cheap food.
-The very support systems and social services that are supposed to help those in need are really golden handcuffs. Yes, they provide assistance, but the price of dependence might not be worth it. Getting to a point of view where you could be SUCCESSFUL is almost antithetical to living with government assistance. It's hard for us to help her grasp a vision for herself that goes beyond government provided child care, living in subsidized housing, and eating what food stamps pay for. Our world is a whole 'nuther world to her. As much as these systems do help those in need, they perpetuate assumptions about oneself that are dismally opposed to human freedom and potential.