I lit a candle last night

For the second day, I took little Niyah into daycare. For a second day I kissed Washita off to the school bus. The night before I sang them to sleep. And last night, when their mom wasn't at home for dinner, and hadn't let me know where she was, and I had to be somewhere ... it hit me. These children need a Mother.

LaQ has so many great qualities and I love her. But she is content for others to raise her children. Get them into daycare! The government vouchers pay for it, so whether she's working or not, she sends them to daycare. The bus takes W to school, and then to daycare. When you don't have a car, your options are limited; when you're poor your resources are thin. But for God's sake, raise your children! Love on them! Be the one voice in their lives that they know will listen. These are girls who lived in 5 foster care homes. The first home they lived in, the 'mom' beat them with belts (this was when Niyah was one and Washita was 5); so then they were separated and sent to other homes. Now Niyah (3) is kicking and screaming at her daycare teachers (I was told when I picked her up yesterday). These girls need a mom, and it breaks my heart for them.

I mentioned to Washita that I needed to leave and that I might need her to watch Niyah (M was home, but he was sick, and it wasn't fair to him to dump childcare on him, and Bill is out of town). She got really quiet and tears started to fall. In my country club neighborhood, she told me that once she had been watching Niyah and a man had tried to beat in the door. She, at 7, had maneuvered the sofa in front of the door and he was deterred. To say she's afraid of being alone doesn't begin to express it. I held her tight, and told her that she's never alone: she can always know that God is with her. Even while I wondered how this little girl could possibly be so alone. Clark tapped me on the shoulder and whispered "Could I give her my crucifix to remind her that she's never alone?" God bless that boy.

I called everyone I knew of LaQ's friends, but they didn't know where she was.

So when I realized I had unexpected babysitting duties staring me in the face, I wrote LaQ a letter and taped it to the door. I changed my plans....I had been going to take Clark to first confession, and then go out with a girlfriend to a movie. Scrap the movie. I piled the girls in the car with Clark, and down to church we headed. When we went in, Clark said,"Mom, I think you're supposed to leave" (Guess he didn't want me around when he did his confessing! :-)) I replied, "Yeah, I know. But I need to pray". So Niyah, Washita, and I knelt in the pew, and I prayed silently that Mary would be their mother. That she would take their interests to heart in a way their own mother didn't. I led them to the front of the church and Niyah pushed a dollar in the slot while Washita lit a candle. They both fell to their little knees (and they've never been in a Catholic church before, maybe never in a church, period). We prayed that Jesus would help their mommy be a good mommy, and help them grow up to be good girls. That he would always be with them and that they would always know that someone loves them.

Clark finished his first confession soon thereafter (seemed like an awful short time to confess a lifetime of sins, but hey...he's only 13!) He said his Hail Marys and seemed happy to have faced himself honestly. He told me on the way home that he liked going to confession, and that he didn't want to go the the jolly priest (whose confessions are much 'easier') -- he liked that the more formal priest he went to agreed that his sins were wrong, but he gave him some penances and some ideas of how to move beyond his sin to living better. He took everything the priest said to heart. What a guileless boy he is.

LaQ called. She had gotten home, and gotten my note. She was ashamed of leaving me in a lurch. I told her that I loved her, and wanted her girls and her in my home. BUT I was only the taxi, the cook, the landlord ... she is the mother, and needs to step up to her responsibilities to be a mother. When we got home, I didn't corner her or try to talk more; I just got M off the sick bed, and got Clark, and bundled up my two boys for a night at the movies. They needed their mom, too.