Unsettled. I guess that's where we are now. We've said our peace, and there's no real reconciliation of two divergent viewpoints. So where do you go from there? Do we learn to live together and value the differences (my view, and what I feel like we've been doing for the past 1 year, 10 months) or does it get ugly and cold as power struggles --real or imagined-- ensue? At least there's been communication, but even that feels so different from only two weeks ago. Could it really have been only that short a time since I was so happy?
We have an 'event' tonight downtown. What would have been called a date two weeks ago.... in fact, he emailed me an invitation to go with him to it. Tonight, what is it: A mutual obligation? A shared social experience? An uncomfortable occupation of the same place on the planet? A date? I HATE these questions. I want to find the happiness of our 'second marriage'... not regress to this all-too-familiar 'first marriage'. I want him to realize what's driving his current unhappiness with us. I miss him.
Thanks for removing this from your blogroll. I don't mind the ones who are currently here being here...I'm just not out there fishing for readers. Especially ones that might find me from the 365 readership. I invite everyone there...
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4 comments:
(((BETH))) So hard. I hope you can get some clarity about what the next step should be. One day at a time.
Love you,
Susan
I appreciate the update. I've been wondering and worrying about you. I've also been praying, which I will continue to do.
SMK's book While the Heart Waits touches on the subject of waiting through the pain. She even shares a story about a friend whose marriage was on the rocks. SMK counseled the friend to "wait." Not that waiting promised a healthy marriage, but that waiting promised a healthier soul. A soul that had grown and matured thorugh the process and, no matter what the outcome, had gained wisdom and self-knowledge.
I'm not trying to spout platitudes, and heaven knows I can't know what you're feeling. I don't if I'd have the strength. But I think you are a strong person. I am praying for you- more strength, more peace, and more ability to wait.
Love,
Carrie
Beth, I'm thinking of you!! I completely understand how hard the journey of marriage is, especially with different goals and ideals. I also know that a life lived untrue to self, is no life at all.
So good to hear how you are doing? How did last night go? Was it a mere obligation or were you both on friendlier terms? I've been praying for you, too, and will continue to do so.
Try not to lose your hope, your vision of how you want your marriage to be.
Much love to you...
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