Long time, no blog

An account of trying to talk to my parents about my upcoming conversion to Catholicism.

- It's all about MOM. I've humiliated her. How could God lead me somewhere he didn't validate for HER to be the right path? I've dishonored her. I've rejected her.
- She does not believe my reporting. I cannot possibly be following God because God cannot lead people into error and away from Truth. So while she KNOWS I'm not lying, while she SEES that I'm sincere and not just being flippant...there's no way to explain my story that is congruent with her beliefs except by denying my report of reality.
- She doesn't want to know about my faith, but she's sad that she cannot share hers with me. I responded that I don't feel that way, and that she can share her life with me. But because openness won't be reciprocated (I cannot tell her what is going on at MY church, for instance)... it's hard to think much depth of relationship is going to occur.
- She cannot have joy in the daughter that she has been so proud of for so long. She cannot accept it. (To which Dad leaned over and said, "You've GOT to") :-)

Dad was a charm. Only once did he start to get going about a theological point (purgatory, no less!), and he backed away pretty quickly. He wants a relationship. He thinks we're mistaken. Move on. He asked me to tell my story and listened well, as did mom.

It actually went as well as could be reasonably expected. Mom only teared up once, and so it wasn't a huge emotional thing (thank goodness for public places!)

We were able to talk about the kid's school and I think maybe they believe me that parochial school is because it's a good school, and not because it is our way of getting the boys to be Catholic. (Of course, if it WERE our reason, that's not really their biz, but I digress...) I admitted that I did not know what would happen to the children as far as their faith. I'm hoping mom and dad don't take that to mean it's open season for my children! If they take the kids on as their projects though, the kids will just withdraw and not have much time for their grandparents. I hope that mom and dad will respect the kids and not try to undercut us to them. But I don't know. (Dad probably will. Mom probably won't.)

The funny thing is that mom accused me of buying into a "ME" philosophy...that [b]I[/b]'ve led [b]my[/b]self down this path because it makes ME happy (as opposed to being led by objective Truth -- Presbyterianism -- which is supposed to make me...what?...unhappy??!:P). But ironically, I think she's the one who is into it being all about HER...how this all makes her look (humiliated) and feel (rejected).

My mom said she hates that she feels like she cannot share her spiritual self with me anymore. I"m like, 'Why? You can talk to me about what matters to you anytime.' She cannot imagine a world in which people are curious about each other's (spiritual) lives without condoning everything they believe to be true. She can't conceive that I'd be interested in something I've 'rejected'. And she will NOT herself be interested in my spiritual self...she said as much. It's a sad way to live, I think, because it shuts down relationship with people, until finally you're living in the ghetto of your own shared beliefs.